I am in bed watching one of those Ted-x shows and now I understand why and fully admit that I am afraid. I am afraid to be myself at all times except when I am with people who get me and who know that me being quiet doesn’t mean I’m angry or uncomfortable but having a moment. I talk to myself- A LOT… It is not because I am crazy, or the fact that I don’t like people so much. It is because I am an introvert. I think I remember how I became like this- I grew up being the only child till 17 and having had a hard time finding friends because I always set rules for myself. I never had a curfew but I made myself and my parents get used to me being home at a certain time which made me scared to get out more, I still am afraid to get out more because I am afraid that I will not be accepted into the world. image As much as I meet a lot of people and do a lot of new things a week and apparently talk a little too much. Yes it is strue that society believes that being an extrovert is the only acceptable behaviour that makes everything functions so properly. The idea that the world needs crazy, outgoing people, those who are not scared to take on the world forgetting that even introverts have the same capabilities just that it is done unnoticed because of fear of being unaccepted. I never used to understand why in movies you find a young girl eating in a bathroom stall until it happened to me. I do it every time I feel I don’t fit in. I recall in 2012 I had to work in a high class district and during that time, when it was lunch I would eat in a bathroom stall because the pressure of fitting in was too great for me to uphold. People like me want to get things done and get out. Things that can be done in a space of minutes and because we have spent many years leaving under people’s shadows, the extrovert shadows, we got accustomed to the belief that we don’t need to be noticed to get things done. I started calling myself a “wallflower” because I sit in the corner, I observe, I learn, I grow without anyone looking out for me making sure that I’m surviving. Introverts try the most outrageous things in the world just to try and fit in (Happens mostly when one hasn’t discovered themselves) like the fact that I go to a club once in a while to be “part of the crowd” which in most cases I get bored as soon as I enter, then I start to fidget, then I complain and want to leave but have to wait for my extrovert friends to party themselves away while I sit in the corner and watch people dance. Then comfort will hit me as soon as I get home, hold a book and start creating a world of my own. image I have found who I really am and there is nothing wrong with talking to myself, with being selfish with my time and also wanting people to do things when I want them to do them. I am me when no one is looking and it is too damn fine. It is so sad that over the years I have created personalities in my head that every time I leave the house “I wear this one” because I’m going to a certain place where only this sort of person can be socially accepted. I have been all the girls in movies, I have adapted to a lot of street talk to fit in with people who I don’t even like. I HATE WORKING IN TEAMS because I don’t know how and most importantly I am not used to relying on other people’s deliverance. Honestly though, extroverts can be very demanding, ignorant, too proud and most annoyingly uncontrollable where they try to outshine each other [visit a club full of university students and you’ll see]. image Ways to cope with me: Don’t just throw things at me, give me time to get used to an idea and let it sink in. Don’t get me hyped up on meeting people, I might change my mind and stay home. When I fidget, it’s because I’m uncomfortable and I’ll be okay so don’t constantly ask me how I am or I’ll bail on you. Balance yourself out before taking up company with me because you might not enjoy me. I always have a book in my bag so if I pull it out, it means I’m bored and the set up sucks but I’ll reserve my comment and try to be polite. When you talk, know that I can only concentrate on your story for 2 minutes maximum. After that I just drift away. Every single second of my life, I spend it thinking- I can’t help it. If I’m suddenly quiet, shut up and let’s sit in silence. (Thanks to Susan Cain’s Ted Talk video for this blog view it on YouTube “The Power of Introverts”) image https://honestencounters.wordpress.com/